A Puppy & A Guppy

Is This my world?

2005-09-09T16:21:00.000-05:00

One day I jumped into a fish tank. because humans cannot live in water I developed fins and gills and underwater breathing apparatus to survive. Thus, a guppy evolved. (Don't laugh..Darwin said it. Though he did retract it on his death bed. anyway...)
And ya know, fish tanks are pretty spiffy things. Colorful and bright and full of bubbles. But I can no longer reach the other humans. I see them from a far distance. They wonder where I went, and can't find me. They still call to see if I answer now and again, but mostly they are returning to thier human existence while I swim in circles around my castle.
Can a fish leap back out of a tank and return to humanity? But in the world of humans one cannot communicate with puppies. So even if I could...would I?

2005-09-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

Color of the day: Speckled

Can't decide what color to be today. I am happy to be home... but sad to be missing the kids again. It's like I went back to my home after the hurricane hit and discovered: I don't have a home anymore.
When you no longer know who or what you are, you're speckled. I often wonder how to go on... or if I can. So much pain and hurt and loss. Why?????? There are things in this world that cannot be understood or explained.

swimming together

2005-08-31T14:01:00.000-05:00

I am missing my life in the little tank where I had someone to swim with, but I do love my boys who are simply awesome kids with great personalities. I must've done something right those years spent homeschooling them and making them my best friends. It is why seperating from them has been the supreme betrayal and excruciatingly painful to all.
Is there any going back? And if there is, do I want to???? Do I want to enough to ignore the persistant whining and scratching at the door of my puppy?

The guppy is floating listlessly

2005-08-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

Color of the day: grey

I am leaving the puppy for a season to reclaim my children. The children who had the best mom in the world until the day she found a scruffy, unwanted puppy on the side of the road. Now they want to hate thier mom, and no one blames them.
But leaving the puppy is terribly painful for such a weak little fish, who relys on him for her well-being. He holds her when she's sad, he licks her face dry when she cries, he barks and wags his tail whenever he sees her.
I love you, puppy

2 years have passed

2005-08-26T14:03:00.000-05:00

Color of the day: Celestial Blue
Two years ago my family and I headed for a vacation on Assateague Isle in Virginia. While we played in the massive hurricane-spawned waves, admired wild ponies and watched dolphins leap in the air, a young man was moving into our home. I remember talking to him on the phone from Virginia about his new job and telling him to "keep the house clean!"
But I always admired that mans spunk and passion, never knowing how intricatley entwined our lives would become.
Now I have to leave again. This time to be with my family and away from that man who stole my heart in a way no one can understand or believe. But he did. He still does today.

I'm a Grandma!!!

2005-08-22T07:29:00.000-05:00

Wow!! My oldest is right this very moment delivering my first grandbaby. Ooooooo! It's so exciting!!!

Waiting

2005-08-21T06:24:00.000-05:00

Color of the day: Sunrise
I bought a digital camera on Ebay which I am awaiting with great anticipation!!! Not that it's anything fancy, but just to have one for blogging and my news stories would be wonderful. I didn't even have one when the Governor was in town and the paper had to archive some picture! Embarressment! Arrgh!
My puppy and I continue to be the best of friends, romping and playing and being all lovey-dovey as we are.
But this represents a difficulty I must deal with soon...

Cheesy pic and Gov Granholm

2005-08-19T03:47:00.000-05:00

Depite my small-town hick nervousness, I managed to have a good interview with the Gov. I got alot of compliments later at her actual city forum thingy she held in town. Ms. Granholm was actually really impressive! Now that I saw her in person and heard her plans for Michigan, I might even vote for her, although I didn't last time. She's a good gov fiscally, but the whole moral thing.well....who am I to talk?
Do you all like my cheesy picture??

Interview w/a governor

2005-08-18T04:18:00.000-05:00

Todays color: Blue

I am interviewing Michigans Governor today by phone for live radio. Weee.

But ya' know, what the movies say is really true. My family is more important than a governor, and I am really missing my family today. I am missing BEING a family today. I'd so rather have my family around me right now than some 'ole Governor Granholm.

Color of the day: Mottled red

2005-08-05T10:15:00.000-05:00

Drunk neighbor asked if I would hold her accountable, now. She wants her kids to call me if she starts drinking and I'm to go and stop her. Nice idea. I just smiled and nodded because
1. she will have already taken "prescription" drugs and be stoned on those.
2. the kids won't notice until she's already drunk, because she drinks in secret until she's too drunk to care
3. she loses all reason and next thing you know I'll be in jail next to her boyfriend because someone calls the police when she screams about me.
4. I don't believe she has any interest in stopping.
The kids are my friends though and I love them and spend time bike riding and such with them, though I slowly see them developing the same deceptive way of thinking as she has. *sigh*

Now what?

2005-08-04T09:30:00.000-05:00

So now drunk neighbor wants me to sign a statement I will keep an eye on her boyfriend. That way he'll be released from jail after he got arrested the other night. Apparently the turbulence continued in the street at someone elses house who saw fit to call the police.
Apparently the boyfriend and girlfriend got into a big old dumb fight cuz they were mixing prescription drugs and alcohol. It was the daughters birthday, which was forgotten, the cake left at a neighbors, while they got stoned and arrested.
Now I'm suposed to sign a statement that I'll make sure neighbors boyfriend doesn't do it again. Ummmmmmmm. no. I have enough work swimming in circles around this fish tank and counting the bubbles okay?
I've also been swimming through other bloggers sites and have been quite inspired, indeed!! I plan to open a new blog or 2 for my writing projects. (My kids story and my novel due out in print early spring '10)
Meanwhile I gots alot of newswriting to do so I actually get paid for using this pitifully outdated PC of mine.

Turbulence at the tank

2005-08-03T06:15:00.000-05:00

I was sleeping peacefully in my little castle, the gentle sound of bubbles from my filter soothing me. The puppy had his paws around my bowl as he slept.
Then... the phone starts ringing and the door starts being knocked on and the puppy starts barking away.
Drunk neighbors with serious issues. Eek. I started splashing around in confusion, but the puppy growled at them and stood guard at the door for me. The turbulence finally subsided and the puppy came to lick my face to be sure I was calm again.
Everyone should have a puppy.

lolling about my fish tank

2005-08-02T09:25:00.000-05:00

The water is warm today, which makes me one slow moving guppy. I'm glad to move slow, though. The mind can only handle so much racing around in circles without being shaken out of control.

I am sad for my church. yes. MY church. Though I have been exiled from it, maybe forever, it will always be mine. But it may not survive all these recent sorrows. I pray for my minnows, trying to go upstream in such troubled waters, and the Clam, who somehow manages to sit no matter what the current is like, but he's desperatly sad and needy. May God see fit to let the waters grow calm and the sun to shine again...soon! Soon oh Lord, shine your favor on the ones I love!

First glimpses

2005-08-01T08:20:00.000-05:00

The puppy had grown weary of the constant teasing he'd endured on his block at home. Ruffio laughed at his limp, Marko, a greyish terrier sort've thing, had always acted as though he was playing tag but would purposely run into the black puppy. Delia, one of the neighbors reddish spaniels, wouldn't even talk to him, but seemed to be whispering something humerous about him whenever he walked by. Then there were the cats. The puppy shuddered at the thought of those leashless prowlers.
But worst of all, was the aloneness he felt when the other dogs were called indoors for the night and he still lay outside. Chained to the back porch.
One night he had lay whimpering and gnawing on his thin rope leash. He was really only lonely and bored. But he realized with a start..he had almost chewed through the entire choking line!
Then he tore at it in a moment of passion. Passion for some freedom!
It was mere moments from there before the line snapped free and the little black puppy stood for a momen, disbelieving. he was free! Then, without a look back he had ran out of the back yard and down the silent streets.

2005-08-01T05:39:00.000-05:00

Can you find me in here?

The puppy

2005-07-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

It was an unlikely match from the beginning...
His friends back on Rohan street would have howled with laughter at the thought.
he could picture them now...Bens Big ears flapping as he shook his head. "A puppy and a..a..fish?" he'd ask incredulously. Of course the other dogs would gather around Ben and join in the teasing.
"Fish are for eating, you fool!"
"Did the fish play catch?"
He imagined them rolling in the grass, legs jerking with the spasm of their howls at the humor and irony of it all.
The puppy found his throat vibrated into a growl at the sight in his imagination. realizing then that he was alone. Alone on a wind swept hill at the beach, looking out over the gentle breakers and sandy landscape. Wishing. Wishing. As hard as he could that he could see the colorful flash of her tail as she slipped beneath a rock.
But it was too cloudy today, and the waves rippled into the shore, obscuring any view beneath the surface. Unlike that sunny morning so long ago when he first caught a glimpse of what would become his best, best friend forever...

Must..move...forward

2005-07-27T11:27:00.000-05:00

I slept a-plenty last night to make up for the 2 nights before. Still there is so much sadness in my head. But there is nothing I can do. Just prowl around my memories.
So I must begin to write again.
It is all I can do. Write.
Tommorow you will come here and read about a puppy and a guppy. A childrens book with a hidden meaning beyond the grasp of regular human scope and sequence.

No sleep again

2005-07-26T09:14:00.000-05:00

It's hard to sleep when your kids are dieing. I long to reach in and rescue my babies..but I am the one drowning them!!!! I don't know what to do. I built a life and then destroyed that very life. I am too tired to keep going this way. I long to feel the touch of Gods hand once again, but it eludes me as I hide in shame. I hear Him call my name, but I cannot seem to move from my hiding spot.

2 early

2005-07-25T04:11:00.000-05:00

Trouble sleeping again. Why? Too many thoughts roaming homeless in my mind. If I was right with God..could I sleep then? I don't have answers to the myriad of questions that leave me awake at night.
Exiled. I chose to be exiled to live with a scruffy little puppy. No one understands. They just cry "come home." But I can't. because I love that puppy, oh, ever so much. I do. It's crazy. It's insane, and God help me, but I love my puppy.